How to tell if it’s time for couples therapy

Relationships can be our greatest source of comfort — and also our deepest source of pain. Every couple goes through rough patches, but sometimes the distance, tension, or hurt between you starts to feel like more than a passing phase. That’s often when people quietly begin to wonder: Is it time for couples therapy?

As someone who has worked with couples for many years, both in person and through online therapy sessions, I’ve seen that it’s rarely one dramatic event that brings people to therapy. More often, it’s the gradual build-up of disconnection. Below are some signs that it may be time to reach out for support.

1. You’re having the same argument over and over

When you find yourselves stuck in the same disagreements, about chores, family, money, or intimacy, it’s not really about the topic. It’s about the pattern. You may both be trying to express something deeper but getting lost in defensiveness or frustration.

Couples therapy can help you understand what’s really going on beneath the arguments and how to communicate in a way that helps you feel heard.

2. You feel more like flatmates than partners

It’s natural for relationships to change over time, but if warmth and connection have been replaced by silence or routine, it may be a sign that you’re emotionally drifting apart.

Online couples therapy can help you explore what’s missing and gently rebuild closeness. Sometimes it’s not about “fixing” something broken, it’s about finding your way back to each other.

3. Trust has been damaged

Whether through infidelity, secrecy, or simply feeling let down, once trust is shaken it can be hard to know how to repair it. Many couples try to move on quickly, only to find the hurt resurfaces.

In therapy, there’s space to unpack what happened, express the pain safely, and begin to rebuild trust step by step. For helpful information on how therapy supports healing, you can visit the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP).

4. You avoid talking about important things

If you find yourselves walking on eggshells or avoiding honest conversations because you fear another argument, it’s a sign that communication has broken down.

A good couples therapist helps create a calmer, structured space where difficult topics can finally be talked about without blame.

5. You still love each other, but something feels “off”

Many couples come to therapy not because they want to separate, but because they don’t want to. They can feel that something precious is slipping away and want help to stop that drift.

Therapy offers a chance to pause, reflect, and reconnect before resentment takes root. It’s about rediscovering what brought you together - and learning new ways to stay close.

Taking the First Step

You don’t need to wait until things feel unbearable. Couples counselling isn’t about deciding who’s right or wrong - it’s about understanding each other better.

If you’re wondering whether it might help, that curiosity itself is a sign that you care about your relationship.

I offer online couples therapy sessions for people who want to rebuild trust, improve communication, and feel close again.

You can book a free 15-minute consultation for online couples therapy to talk about what’s happening and see if it feels right for you both.